The Mommy-cation
{Part II}
To remember (or
read for the first time) the definition, how it started, and what other Moms secretly confessed about it, click here.
The Reason:
Yes, when my kids are
gone, I miss them. Yes, when the Officer
is gone, I miss him. Yes, when they’re
both gone at the same time, it can get lonely.
But do you know who I don’t miss during those days?
Me. And let me be completely honest, when I get bogged down in the day-to-day, there are times when my family’s home, and I’m surrounded by love and noise and movement and life, but I miss me. I miss being able to sit down and read a book, cover-to-cover. I miss being able to spend an entire day wandering around the Denver Art Museum, taking as long as I absolutely want on each piece I choose; to decide to window shop at IKEA for hours and just do it. I miss watching all the Rom-Com’s and Sci-fi shows I want, without trading that time for war movies later. I miss keeping my own schedule – seeing the sun come up before I go to bed, and know that I can sleep until I’m rested, without recourse. I miss spending as long-as-I-want in prayer, journaling, or deep in Scripture, knowing that I don’t have to rush my time to feed or pick up or tend other lives. I miss having to put only one dish into the washer, to clean the house and have it stay that way for days on end, to make what I want to eat – and have no one complain about it, to skip dinner and not feel guilty for not feeding mini people.
This is not to say that
the Officer doesn’t support me and give me time to myself – he does. This is not to say that my entire life
revolves around my kids – it doesn’t. It
is a recognition that before I was a mom, before I was a wife, I was – and
still am to an ever-evolving extent – Jen.
A person, not a label, who has an individual and unique life outside of
the people who sprang from my womb or with whom I have become one flesh.
When everyone’s gone, and
the house is blessedly silent , I get to remember who I am – without
all these extra people as addendums to my person. And I remember that I like me.
And that, dearest reader,
makes me a much better Mom, a much better wife, than toiling away endless at
the same day-to-day ever could.
So in truth, the reason
every Mom needs a Mommy-cation is
because God gave her to her children.
For in His infinite wisdom and goodness, God knows that she is the best
Mom for those kids.* And what makes each
woman uniquely suited for this honored position is who she is. If she loses
sight of that, of her uniqueness, then it is her children and her husband who
suffer alongside her.
The
Rules:
1.
It has to be longer than 48 hours. No joke.
Barring an emergency that threatens life or limb, don’t go get your kids
for over 2 days. Trust me, they’ll live.
2.
No husband allowed. Seriously.
Get that guy out of the house. Send
him camping/hunting/skiing/fishing/on a company conference/to a spa, etc…If he
can’t, then you go. Hotels are cheaper
than you think; much cheaper than a sanatorium anyway.
3.
You decide what you’re going to do, then
put boundaries around your time. There
are people who can’t fathom spending any time alone, so will try to fill yours;
or they’ll see your time off as an excuse to off-load their kids/project/neediness
on you. I know that sounds selfish, but
if you’re asking other folks to watch your kids and kicking your husband out of
the house/going to a hotel, you’re doing a disservice to those helping you if
you squander your alone time.
How to make this Self-Reclamation a reality:
1.
Grandparents. If they’re game, and it’s financially
possible, send the kids to the Grandfolks’ house for a week. It will do everybody good – kids get to know
your parents/in-laws as they grow up, and you get to know you again.
2.
Swap with a friend. So it might not be a whole week. But it could work for a whole weekend. Trade kids.
Give each other 2 ½ solid days off.
You’ll both reap the benefits.
3. Hire a trusted sitter. Really.
Obviously, this needs to be an adult.
If this is your only option (are you sure you’re not just afraid to ask
the first 2?), to make it affordable, barter.
Can you do this person’s laundry for the week leading up to your
vacay? Can you cook their meals, train
their dog, type out their dissertation (not write it for them), organize their
home, paint their walls, take their family portraits, write them a song, tune
their car, bake their wedding cake, teach them to swim/ski/drive a stick…? Can you leverage any of your talents [come
on, you haven’t been a Mom forever, you have talents] to earn their time, or at
least a portion of it that would make the rest affordable? Because believe me, no matter what extra work
you do for them will pay off while you’re enjoying the silence of doing exactly
what you want to do.
4. Have
your husband (if you have one) take the kids somewhere for that time. When my kids were much littler, my husband
asked what I wanted for our anniversary.
My honest answer was: time to myself in our house. Up to that point, I’d never had that. Oh, the kids and I travelled all the time to
see family while the Officer stayed behind to work. But I’d never been alone, not even for 24
hours, in our house. As it happened, he
had a conference in the city where his folks live; so he bundled our little bundles
into his car and trucked them down to his Mom’s house. He worked all week, and the kids were watched
by one of three women who absolutely adore them. And their Daddy was home with them every
night.
That's right, TWO new books, and groceries only I like. Haha!
20
Ways I’ve Spent My Mommy-cations
1.
When the final Harry Potter book came out,
the Officer bought me a copy and gave it to me on the first day of
Mommy-cation. I read it in one day. Then I read it again in the next two days –
you know, to make sure I hadn’t missed anything in my hurry to get to the end. I got off the couch to use the restroom and eat. It was glorious.
2.
Spent an entire day pursuing the DAM
{Denver Art Museum}
3.
Took myself out to lunch at a spot I know
the Officer wouldn’t want to go to.
4. Went
to a movie that I know the Officer could be content never seeing.
5.
Decided (on a whim) to paint the
then-playroom in tri-colored vertical stripes.
(This was an all- day & all-nighter).
6. Watched
every movie I put on our Netflix cue.
7.
Spent an entire afternoon at IKEA – looked
at every room layout, browsed for hours in the marketplace, and came up with
some really great ideas for a new home.
8. Went
clothes shopping all.by.myself: No chasing little people out of the dressing
room while I’m only in undies and a bra.
No bargaining/pleading with minis for just a few more minutes. No constant stream of “No. Don’t Touch.
Come back here,” while at the mall.
Carried only my bags and my coffee and my purse. It was lovely.
9. Picked
a different recipe every day from my Pinetrest boards and made it.
10. Wrote
this blog.
11. Napped.
12. Slept
in – until an obscene hour.
13. Worked
on my novel.
14. Had
a Wine & fancy cheese night with my brother.
15. Prayerfully
dealt with some baggage that needed dealing with.
16. Bought
a “uniform” for Mommy-cations: a pajama dress.
Stayed in it for a week (okay, that’s hyperbolic because I had to wash
it and shower; but you get the idea).
17. Purged
the entire house, to rid this family of their hoarder tendencies
18. Redecorated
everyone’s rooms – new linens, curtains, and artwork.
19. Had
dinner or lunch with a different friend every day for a week.
20. Started
packing for our move.
Now, you have to bear in
mind that I’m an introvert. I am
refreshed when I spend time alone.
{note: this doesn’t mean I’m antisocial, or that I don’t have
friends. It means that I get recharged
by being alone to think. By
myself.} However, an extrovert could
spend her time doing all the social activities she never gets to do because
she’s committed to her family’s schedule.
Notice your favorite author has a book signing nearby? Well, load up the car and go – meet some
other fans while you’re there and go out for coffee afterward. You know that girls’-get-a-way you’re always
talking about? Make it
happen! You know that theater group
you’ve been wanting to join? Bust out
your monologue and get to auditions!
That painting class/those concerts/that bike race/that lecture series/
that Con? Go do them all! Just spend the time reminding yourself what
you like – what makes you unique in all the world – and invest time doing
it. For you. For your husband. For your kids. For the glory of your Father in Heaven, who
made you to be you.
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