A Momi-festo: part one of the Mommy-cation

Yes, I know.  I know.  It’s been over three months since I’ve written.  Hey, it’s summer.  There were vacations, and outdoor activities, and we put the house up for sale, so we were constantly having to be out of it so strangers – excuse me, potential buyers – could roam through it.  Plus my best friend moved far, far away, so I had to help her pack.  Which, if you’ve ever done a state-to-state move that was not sponsored by the U.S. government, let me be the first to tell you: is hard.  Also, I can’t sit down in front of the computer when I’m holding my kids to the “Sun’s up, screen’s off” rule. 
                {side note: do you know how late the sun stays up in the summer?  Good grief!}
Okay, all done with my excuses?  Good; me, too.  And, reader, thanks for coming back.  You’re much cheaper than therapy. 

Now, let’s talk about something I’ve re-discovered in the past 8 days.  {editor’s – um, that’s me again – note: this was intended as a single article; but as I hopped up on my soapbox, I couldn’t’ stop.  So this has to be a two-part series.  Look at the bright side: at least this way you know I can’t abandon you for a quarter of a year again anytime soon.}  The glorious, heaven-sent, I-can’t-believe-how-I-lived-without-this practice called:

The Mommy-cation

What’s the Mommy-cation?  Plainly, it’s time away from all kids and all spouses (I’m sincerely hoping that you have only one spouse, reader.  I can’t imagine the work involved in having more than one.).  Time that is all mine.  No work, no kids to care for, no husband to entertain.  Just me.  All by my wonderful lonesome.

I can’t tell you (mostly because I promised on my life that I wouldn’t name names) how many mothers have confessed to me something akin to the following:

All I really want for {Mother’s Day/my birthday/our anniversary} is to wake up in a hotel room.  ALONE.  No one needing to be fed.  No one crying, or whining, or complaining, or singing, or screaming, or cuddling… Just me.  And I want to sit all day in that plush bathrobe they give you.  And eat chocolate.  And go to the pool, all by myself.  And watch t.v.  And read.  And nap.  And go to dinner without having to cut anyone’s food, or worry about what someone else won’t eat, so I’d better just eat theirs… 

Look at you, reader, I can tell your eyes are glazing over with the thought right now.  You can picture exactly what that room looks like, can’t you?  You’ve mentally put that robe around you and have opened that box of chocolates, haven’t you?  Sounds divine, doesn’t it? 

But then, just as you’re closing your eyes to enjoy the engulfing silence, Guilt starts tapping at your heart.  What kind of a mother daydreams about leaving her children out of her fun?  Mothering, that scared calling, is a fleeting thing.  They’re only little for so long.  What if you miss one moment.  What if you blink and it all rushes by?    

Ladies, I know: we love our kids.  Love them so much that we would, without hesitation, lay down our very lives for them.  No one is arguing that you don’t love your kids.  That’s good.  It’s healthy.  It’s Mom-y.    

What isn’t healthy (and here’s where I make some people uncomfortable, and just tick others off), is never spending any time away from our families.  What isn’t healthy is being able to honestly say, “I don’t know when the last time was that I had a minute to myself was.”  And no, unaccompanied trips to the grocery store Do. Not. Count.  Those are just sanity savers.    

And I’m NOT talking about the bi-annual Mom’s night out offered by your church’s youth group so that you can go hang with other Moms.  Nor am I referring to Date Night.  Those are separate necessities.  Girl’s Night Out is to remember what it’s like to have adult conversation with other women, without having miniature people hanging all over you.  Date Night is to remember why you married the man who is half responsible for the tiny folk running your life right now.      

As for the “what if I miss it” question, let me pose another: If you’ve spent every single moment of your child’s life with them, do you feel full up?  What I mean is, do you lay down at night and think, “yeah, I feel like I’ve caught and remembered every single bit of her third year.  I’m ready for four.  I’ll never feel that tug other Moms feel when they think, oh, if time would just slow down—she’s growing too fast.”

See what I mean?  As Moms, we always want more of our kids.  They’re blessings.  They’re the best (and some days the worst) parts of us and our husbands.  We could have an eternity at each stage, and I bet we’d still want it to last even longer. 

My point is: you’re going to wish you’d had more time with your littles no matter what.  Therefore, should you not also attend yourself during their growing years?  Aren’t you a better mom and wife when you do? 

How the Mommy-cation Started:

I can hear you asking, don’t you miss everyone?  Aren’t you lonely?  And in a much quieter, almost afterthought, how is this possible?

First, I claim no credit for this genius invention.  It was all my Mom (she is quite brilliant, you know).  Four years ago, she convinced me that I needed time to myself, away from the kids.  She told me that it would make me a better Mom.  At the time we had this conversation, I was run down, at my wits’ end, and a teensy bit jealous that an old [childless] friend was celebrating her 30^th birthday in Paris while I was covered in toddler food and hadn’t showered in goodness only knows how long.  I didn’t need much convincing. 

And because my Mom is a considerate gal, she insisted that I let my Mom-in-Law take the kids, too.  Because my kids were 3 and5 at the time, they were only gone for a week – 3 days with each set of grandparents.  And so began the annual summer tradition of time at Camp Wela-Welo and the Mi-Pop Estates.  As the kids have grown, we’ve expanded their time: 1 week with each set of grandparents.  At first, the Officer took 1 week off, and we spent the time honeymoon-camping and hiking 14ers; the second week was mine.  Granted, the Officer would be here in the evenings; but he let me rattle about the house on my schedule (I’m a bit of a night owl), and we'd go on a few dates together throughout the week.  It was lovely.  Then when the Officer joined the Guard, we combined the weeks to coincide with his, so the kids still visit each set of grandparents for a week, we just stack them so the minis are gone for two weeks total.  And I end up with 12 days (2 are traveling) of all-by-myself-ness.  As an introvert, I can’t explain to you how live-giving this is.    

Also, I can’t explain how awesome it is for our kids to spend this time with their grandparents.  Both of our families live out of state; so we see them less frequently now that the minis are in school.  This is their one shot every year to have unadulterated (literally, Mom and Dad aren’t there, so their grandparents can spoil them any way they choose) Grandparent time.  And I’m happy that my kids are making memories with our parents.  I mean, Grandparents are God’s gift to kids – adults who will cater to their every whim, while telling hilarious stories about what their parents did as children.  It’s a beautiful relationship to cultivate.  It’s a win for everyone involved.     

 

 

---I’ll address exactly why MOMMY-CATIONS should be practiced by every mom in part two of this series.  Plus give you the “rules,” how to make this a reality in your world, and 20 different ways I’ve spent my Mommy-cations.  Come back next week, reader; it'll be fun.