Manic Mondays: Elvish Eddition

It’s not Monday and I’m not perfect. 

Here it is, what I’ve been promising from the get-go: I failed.  Don’t worry, I’m not in the least upset about this.  And I hope all three of my readers (hi, Mom!) aren’t either.  You see, the reason I started this blog was to let other moms out there know that there are p-l-e-n-t-y of women just like them.  Sometimes that’s hard to see in the world of Pintrest and publications both on and off-line full of self-aggrandizing accomplishments, where the homes in the photos look like the Pottery Barn magazine, the kids are un-rumpled, squeaky-clean Macy’s models, and the mom stepped out of a fashion spread from a fitness magazine, holding freshly baked organic, gluten-free, oatmeal raisin cookies (can’t have the kids ingesting too much sugar, dears).  Moms who do 2 hour devotionals with each child individually every day, while homeschooling kids who are 6 grade-levels above their peers; moms who maintain careers that are sky-rocketing their family into the next two tax brackets while never failing to capture a memory with their professional-grade camera and photographer skills.  Moms who always have a lap free for cuddles, never burn dinner, have children with perfect manners and behavior, volunteer 60-plus hours at church and school, and go to bed in the sexist of lingerie so that their Mister doesn’t lose interest.[1]     

This blog isn’t for those women. 

I mean, good for them for having it all together all the time (but I have more than a creeping suspicion that these are the women who might need the permission to be imperfect that I hope to cultivate here).  But, and I can say the following because I spent many years striving to the point of suffocation for that picture-perfect life, I’d rather live transparently.  I don’t say this because I want to condemn women who are outwardly more put-together than I, rather to encourage moms like me, who have grandiose plans and the absolute best of intentions but inevitably fall short.  Because that’s what people do, even the almost-perfect ones.  And more than anything, moms are people too.

So, [stepping down from soap box] with a sick mini, here’s the belated-Manic Monday, chock full of elvish mischief, LMS (lazy-mommy syndrome), and my eldest out-smarting me.  Again.

Snow Day Wishes

J.F. misses the North Pole, and even though we live in Colorado,

there’s none of his favorite white stuff on the ground

(I hear it’s that way in Anchorage, AK, too). 

So, he dumped half the bag of flour out on our table and made a snow angel. 

I told him next time to put some plastic wrap or a trash bag underneath for easier clean up.

TP-ing the Tree

We still haven’t trimmed our tree, which is apparently a sore spot for our visitor. 

So he did some decorating of his own. 

Bubble Bath

J.F. choose to use our bathroom sink and the entire bag of marshmallows to luxuriate in. 

I think he needed a smaller tub.

Holiday Party

In need of friends and a little frivolity, J.F. hosted a holiday party by the light of the Christmas tree. 

He invited a rather posh set of new friends

and even scored some wheels with which to impress a particular princess.

  …Meanwhile, in the mind of a 9 yr old….

The eldest has been redirecting elf behavior for nine days now, and has come to this conclusion (and yes, she phrased it thusly): “Since Jingle-Fapple doesn’t have to fly to the North Pole every night to report to Santa, he’s got too much time on his hands.  Elves need stuff to do to keep them busy.  Because of all the syrup they eat and because they don’t sleep.”  (Apparently, Will Farell is the reigning expert on elvish behavior.)

Should You Choose to Accept it…

So, she decided to give the elf a task before going to bed. 

She did so without my knowledge, just tucked a little note beside him on the tree

(we have special “Elf Tongs” that we use to move J.F. during the day,

 so that no human touches him; but if he’s in the way, we can negotiate around him. 

Hence, his repeated positioning on the tree.),

and snuck upstairs to bed. 

Ah, so sweet.  So smart.  So much more for elves to do before bed. 

Compliance.

Of course, J.F., being an elf, complied.

Tactical Nautical Training

J.F. has apparently taken up an interest in all things military

and began training in strategic nautical maneuvers with Snake Eyes, G.I. Joe extraordinaire.

Golden Knights

Having completed his navy training, J.F. became a member of the 181^st Airborne

 and executed his first High Altitude Low Opening jump.

Because He’s Still Young

And, even though he’s training with the armed forces, he’s still just a boy. 

So we weren’t too surprised to find his handiwork on a photo collage.

Yep, this week wasn’t spectacularly inspired as far as elvish antics go.  And yes, most were the “easy and quick” category that I’m sure J.F. intended to use later in the month when he was more pressed for time and tired.  But, I’m sure once everyone’s in bed, creativity is a little hard to come by. 

If anyone has some really fun ideas, J.F. would love to hear them…I’m sure he could read the comments below.     

 

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[1] Hyperbolic references to Proverbs 31 woman intended.  If you’re feeling a little worn out trying to keep up with her, check out Rachel Held Evan’s book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood, the chapter for January in particular.  Seriously.  It’s not as anti-evangelical as some have posited.